11

your utter betrayal

mutter, mutter, mutter

you do this when

my heart began to flutter

started to melt like butter

your mind is ship

without a rudder, lost,

confused, my minds tell

me love her love her

now i am just

smutter to you and your

friendly gutter, in

the gutter my heart,

bleeding, muttering

ill and discontent

did you think you

just walk and

talk my mind and

lock up the truth

you’re making my

heart rock and you

mock my existence with

your knock on the gates

keys please next time

to forget you, i’m

plugging in my iv

see, now my blood

falls with my addiction

and free, be, glee

fill me in place, in

the place of hard, cold

and otherwise useless

lies. these i despise

crooked, filthy untruth

let loose in the ball-

yard

dear in ear

all year. cannot go

hear i leer and smear

blood over my face

in disgrace of our

affront, afraid pace

lace my hope with heroin

so at least i’ll loose

the weight, the baggage

you attached to my heart

and soul. i kept myself

whole. it has my role.

you console, your

goal was to have me

in your heart

be the art you admire

and now your wants are

crusting me with a mace

to my cart, my mark

i’m smart i could see

through your love-dart

but it hit me in the eye

my mind

instead, preferably lace

your false love, hope,

with crystal meth so

when you plunge me

when you submerge me

into the depths, depression,

i can stay awake for

days waiting for a flash

not tormented by

your lies and so i can

feel bugs crawl under

my skin rather than

your fingers

clenching

and pulverising my heart.

unplug your mind

from your rug and

get into the real world

your mind is sick, kick

start your life with

some slick dude who

will eventually “fick” and

lick your mind into

the place i am now. no.

you’re his, look at my

eyes. i want you to see

you again so you can

look at deeply and

repeat your bleat

again. i want you to

see the joy again, then

i want you to see the

wells pour out. more

than ever before

glory, your

wants and taunts

i am glad you are gone.

i don’t wish to

happen. i care too much

if that happened, i

would come in like a

baer and scare

that rare son of a

mare. all i am

trying to say is you

need to pay your

dues, let a rag in

may you be

well and your

heart gay.

now you have me

dining alone

with the fear of dying

alone.

i do not hate you

but to negate i am

not allowed to hate, if

you are late, i wouldn’t

take the bait. i wouldn’t

say great. i wouldn’t look

to mate right away. right,

i just cannot stand

your face desperate voice

or beauty because you

give reason trust in

your lust, disgust

stems of this blech

unsettling old dust

if i must confess, forget

i exist. i do not need

a larger puzzle to

put back together in

my chest, muzzle my

breast, my seizing

breast. i cannot

rest. sizzle and drizzle

your falseness over me

and let me cleft them

with my mind’s crest

it’s sharp it’s

just a harp meant

sing you a song.

if anything i want to see you see me see

you see me on the floor

sleepless, convulsing,

loathing my tears and

bleeding among my

besieged heart, if trust

was a structure, you

climbed to the top forgot

your harness was attached and

jumped under with

the intent of relent

but instead your jump

made the structure slump

and you pulled on last time

and it crashed down

on top of me. i am

sitting in front of a

remote-controlled fire-

place, wishing someone

would save me from

this unexpected wave

this poem sets you free

yesterday i sung an

hour for you. it

rung in my heart and in

yours too whilst you

were unaware not even

there. glare. my

song was long and

strong and you took it

wrong, that i don’t

belong but your gong

resounds still and your

words nil.

i’m not going to

let one bitch wreck

my wish to get out of

the ditch and find

love rich i am not

searching to itch,

i’m not even trying

to get hitched, i am

pulling out the stitch.

avoiding emotional lynch

and escaping witch-es

which strive to

glitch my heart apart

this betrayal

you are a liar

i am a victim

and you can’t

even see it.